I am...

[ikyrian]

I am...

...tired. I am so tired. Wondering why something like this had to happen.
...shocked. To say the least. I never thought that he would be a person to do such a thing.
...saddened. At the waste. Because he could have done so much more.
...confused. It's so unnatural, I never thought he'd be be the one to do this.
...angered. That it was over a girl. Of all the stupid reasons.
...too many things to describe. Because, it's never happened to me before. And I hope it never does again. And I hope it never happens to you.

I wish...

...that it hadn't happened.
...that I could turn back time.
...that I could have done something, anything.
...it hadn't happened at all. God, how I wish I could have done something.
...that I could be at home. So I could be with my brother, Travis. So I could go to the funeral. So I could see it for myself. Because I still don't know if I fully believe it.

I want to go home. Now more than ever. I hate this country. I think I've been completely soured on it. I want so many things that I don't think I can really articulate right now.

I still can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I've known him since the fifth grade. He was always nice to me, no matter how much of an asshole he was to everyone else. One of the biggest rednecks you'd meet. I...we weren't the greatest of friends. But I respected him. I knew him well, at one point. He had a large impact on my family's lives. We all knew him. God.

What is it with my friends and guns? Jesus. And over a GIRL! To kill himself over a girl. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. God.

God. Why are people so stupid?

Comments

[taqwa.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Yes, it was stupid. But I can't say I don't understand how he felt. I felt that way and considered the same thing.

You all saved me from it.

[selenityk.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*.
I wish I had something more to say right now

[cancerouselflvr.livejournal.com]

*hugs*