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Not that any of y'all see me much lately, I'll really be incognito from tomorrow til next Sunday. I'll be going on my last vacation of the summer to Disney (a week long venture), and then I shall be starting the job hunt and seriously cleaning out my room to make way for new bookshelves. If any of y'all want a postcard or something, please don't hesitate to drop me a line with your address and your fav. Disney character! ^_^
Other than packing for the trip, I have to say my life has not been too eventful lately. At Christian's wedding I got plastered and gave some random guy who reminds me very much of Ryan only more boring my phone number like a fucking retard. I don't know what to do about that, really. My mom tells me we should me for coffee or something and then I should start ignoring his calls. I don't have the balls for that because, seriously, this guy was boring. I want him to go away without having to tell him to go away. How do you tell a person you're not interested without saying outright that you're not interested? Dilemma, dilemma.
I don't think I've really managed to convince myself completely that I've actually graduated from college. I think the reason I'm hesitating so much on getting a job is because I'm still partially convinced that I have classes come fall. School is a hard habit to break, you know? They tell you that you have to go everyday from the time you're five (in my case, since I was three) until you're 18, with the option of college (not that it was really an "option" for me, ever), and you better not screw up because your future is on the line. "Do you want to be the person saying, "Do you want fries with that?" Of course not. Go to school. Do something with your life." What they don't tell you is what, exactly, that something you should do with your life is, however.
So for that last 19-ish years of my life, I've had the expectation of going to school in the fall. And now that I'm free from that responsibility I don't know what the heck to do. I do realize, however, that I should have tried to take more classes in my last semester, branched out more and tried different subjects. There just wasn't enough time to learn everything I wanted to learn, but going to grad school means that I'd becoming more specialized, when all I want to be is the person who knows things. A Jack-of-all-Trades, if you will. What good is mastering something, if you start missing out on other aspects of life? I have this insatiable curiosity to know how to do things, just for the sake of knowing. There is so much that I want to do and see, to learn, to experience that I don't really know where to begin.
There is also a part of me who is very scared of moving forward, however. Despite this desire to do things, taking that first step, whatever that step may be, scares the bejeezus out of me. While I want to move on from here, the act of physically moving on, and abandoning all that I hold dear scares me enough into just staying put. But the prospect of my on-coming loan bills scares me even more. I have a feeling that that will ultimately be the deciding factor on my first job.
Other than packing for the trip, I have to say my life has not been too eventful lately. At Christian's wedding I got plastered and gave some random guy who reminds me very much of Ryan only more boring my phone number like a fucking retard. I don't know what to do about that, really. My mom tells me we should me for coffee or something and then I should start ignoring his calls. I don't have the balls for that because, seriously, this guy was boring. I want him to go away without having to tell him to go away. How do you tell a person you're not interested without saying outright that you're not interested? Dilemma, dilemma.
I don't think I've really managed to convince myself completely that I've actually graduated from college. I think the reason I'm hesitating so much on getting a job is because I'm still partially convinced that I have classes come fall. School is a hard habit to break, you know? They tell you that you have to go everyday from the time you're five (in my case, since I was three) until you're 18, with the option of college (not that it was really an "option" for me, ever), and you better not screw up because your future is on the line. "Do you want to be the person saying, "Do you want fries with that?" Of course not. Go to school. Do something with your life." What they don't tell you is what, exactly, that something you should do with your life is, however.
So for that last 19-ish years of my life, I've had the expectation of going to school in the fall. And now that I'm free from that responsibility I don't know what the heck to do. I do realize, however, that I should have tried to take more classes in my last semester, branched out more and tried different subjects. There just wasn't enough time to learn everything I wanted to learn, but going to grad school means that I'd becoming more specialized, when all I want to be is the person who knows things. A Jack-of-all-Trades, if you will. What good is mastering something, if you start missing out on other aspects of life? I have this insatiable curiosity to know how to do things, just for the sake of knowing. There is so much that I want to do and see, to learn, to experience that I don't really know where to begin.
There is also a part of me who is very scared of moving forward, however. Despite this desire to do things, taking that first step, whatever that step may be, scares the bejeezus out of me. While I want to move on from here, the act of physically moving on, and abandoning all that I hold dear scares me enough into just staying put. But the prospect of my on-coming loan bills scares me even more. I have a feeling that that will ultimately be the deciding factor on my first job.
