Huh.

I feel miserable. Just...ugh. It was so nice today, but with the onslaught of night and rain...I just feel like crap again. Why can't the weather pick something and stick with it? The pressure headache from the rain alone is enough for me to spin down into this pit of misery and dispair that I just can't seem to find the energy or the will to crawl out of. I'm sick of being depressed. I'm sick of looking at all the things I used to think were fun and going, "Eh, maybe later..." Becuase "later" never comes. I'm sick of being here. I'm just sick. Sick sick sick.

I think I'm also coming down with a cold. Bah.

And the perspective just walked in. And saw that I was crying. Grawr.

I'm really sick of being here. I want to be at home, and yet I also don't want to. I feel like that I don't really belong anywhere. I read something a couple days ago that I think crystalized my feelings completely:

Backward turn backward, oh! time in your flight
Make me a child again, just for tonight:
Mother, come back from the echoless shore
Take me again to your heart, as of yore.

Nowk, originally, it was written in a chorus for a popular song in the South near the end of the Civil War called "Rock Me to Sleep, Mother." It just reminds me of how much I really don't want to grow up and start making decisions for myself. It's ironic that, as a child, I spent a lot of time wishing I was older so I could do things on my own, and now that I'm getting older, all I wish for is to be a child again and have my parents make my decisions for me.