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My Mom and Her Life Lessons
Aug. 21st, 2003 06:07 pmAbout once a year or so, my mom does something that's completely meorable and insane at the same time. Well, more than normal things, like random mix ups in regular everday speech. No, these moments are precious in thair hilarity and in the life skills that they teach. Even if it is something that you never say to your own children or how to dodge flying butter knives.
Life Lesson #1: About two years ago, my brother, Travis, and I were arguing over whether or not he should either "find" (and therefore bring back to me) or "locate" (and not bring back to me) a book that he had taken from me and had lost in his room. After about fifteen minutes of listening to us argue over the implied differences of "find" and "locate," Mom slaps her hand on the table, and yells, "Find and locate are the same words only spelled different!!"
Complete silence reigns through the household.
Hilarity ensues.
Life Lesson: Don't ever try to solve an inane argument between your teenaged twins over the definitions of two similar words by yelling that they're the same word only spelled differently. You'll never live it down.
Life Lesson #2: About a year later, my family is visiting what is then a fairly new restaurant in our fair city called Fat Punks'. We're sitting around the table joking around and waiting for dinners to come when the drinks arrive. Dad had ordered a black and tan, which sparked the whole discussion of what a "black and tan" (an alcoholic drink made up of two different types of beers) is made of. Travis said he knew, and so mom challenges him to tell her. He throws the challenge right back in her face and she says, "It's called black and tan because the bottom's black and the top is tan."
Silence. The whole restaurant seems to have stopped, and no one breathes. First a small giggle from an indeterminate point at the table sounds, then the everyone else just starts to laugh as hard as they can.
Life Lesson: The obvious answer is not always the correct answer.
Life Lesson #3: Today, Mom decided to make a cake for my brothers who are going back to VT this Saturday. After a lenghty visit to the new Wal-Mart which opened yesterday, we come back and Mom decides to ice the cake. While she's using the mixer to mix it up, I mention to her that when Travis and I made the MilleniYUM Chocolate Torte that they mixer was still on when we plugged it in, but the arm was up.
She said, "Yeah, you can do that!" And promptly lifts the arm up, while it's still running, covered in frosting, and sticks the knife in to scrape at frosting. The knife goes flying into Travis and frosting goes flying everywhere, and she stands there with this look of utter shock in her face.
This time it's shocked silence. Travis walks out of the room while I start gasping, "I didn't think you actually do it." Hysterical laughter breaks out. Travis, attracted by the noise, comes back in an rants at her. Sadly, none of us can remember what he said, but I think it was what he said that was so funny.
Life Lesson: It's not always a good idea to give a working demonstration of a question your child asks you and always use a butter knife when making frosting. You never know what could happen.
Life Lesson #1: About two years ago, my brother, Travis, and I were arguing over whether or not he should either "find" (and therefore bring back to me) or "locate" (and not bring back to me) a book that he had taken from me and had lost in his room. After about fifteen minutes of listening to us argue over the implied differences of "find" and "locate," Mom slaps her hand on the table, and yells, "Find and locate are the same words only spelled different!!"
Complete silence reigns through the household.
Hilarity ensues.
Life Lesson: Don't ever try to solve an inane argument between your teenaged twins over the definitions of two similar words by yelling that they're the same word only spelled differently. You'll never live it down.
Life Lesson #2: About a year later, my family is visiting what is then a fairly new restaurant in our fair city called Fat Punks'. We're sitting around the table joking around and waiting for dinners to come when the drinks arrive. Dad had ordered a black and tan, which sparked the whole discussion of what a "black and tan" (an alcoholic drink made up of two different types of beers) is made of. Travis said he knew, and so mom challenges him to tell her. He throws the challenge right back in her face and she says, "It's called black and tan because the bottom's black and the top is tan."
Silence. The whole restaurant seems to have stopped, and no one breathes. First a small giggle from an indeterminate point at the table sounds, then the everyone else just starts to laugh as hard as they can.
Life Lesson: The obvious answer is not always the correct answer.
Life Lesson #3: Today, Mom decided to make a cake for my brothers who are going back to VT this Saturday. After a lenghty visit to the new Wal-Mart which opened yesterday, we come back and Mom decides to ice the cake. While she's using the mixer to mix it up, I mention to her that when Travis and I made the MilleniYUM Chocolate Torte that they mixer was still on when we plugged it in, but the arm was up.
She said, "Yeah, you can do that!" And promptly lifts the arm up, while it's still running, covered in frosting, and sticks the knife in to scrape at frosting. The knife goes flying into Travis and frosting goes flying everywhere, and she stands there with this look of utter shock in her face.
This time it's shocked silence. Travis walks out of the room while I start gasping, "I didn't think you actually do it." Hysterical laughter breaks out. Travis, attracted by the noise, comes back in an rants at her. Sadly, none of us can remember what he said, but I think it was what he said that was so funny.
Life Lesson: It's not always a good idea to give a working demonstration of a question your child asks you and always use a butter knife when making frosting. You never know what could happen.
