ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
To everyone who has commented on everything that's happened this past week and half, I thank you. I'm probably not going to reply to the posts because it's just too hard to think about right now. Also, I realize now that the picture I put up wasn't perhaps the best - just know that that picture was taken about two and half years ago, and he was just rolling around on the couch.

Life has been a little weird since Baby crossed "The Rainbow Bridge." The most heartbreaking thing about this has been Vincent's inability to understand that Baby isn't coming back - every time I let him out of the cage, he circles the house looking for him, checking all of his favorite sleeping spots and gets really depressed when he can't find him. He's not really eating and only sporadically drinking, so I'm worried about my Mister. I'm not really sure what to do about it - if I should get another ferret or not as a companion (and maybe a distraction.)

Either way, a decision like that will have to wait until next weekend. Tomorrow I head off to the wilds of Pennsylvania to help out Altegrity's IT department with the launch of a new software initiative. I'm not entirely sure what the heck I'll be doing up there - I think it has something to do with the Help Desk - but I'll be there.

I'm told it is quite literally the back end of nowhere. It's about an hour north of Pittsburgh (and my hotel is about 45 minutes north of that), I'm expecting it to be a) cold, b) snowy, and c) kinda boring. Yay lake effect snow. I return on Saturday (though my co-workers are coming back Friday night, I thought, since it's roughly six hours away, staying until Saturday would be a better idea as I don't want to be a schmear on the pavement Friday night). We'll see how this goes.


Dec. 5th, 2009 01:10 pm
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)

Our concert got rescheduled for next week because of the measly bit of snow we're currently getting. Next week is when I'm supposed to be going to Williamsburg and Virginia Beach.

Well, I'll still be going to Williamsburg and Virginia Beach, I just might not be able to stay as long as I would have liked.

I'm so angry right now I could spit.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
Anil is dead.

It was no real surprise for me to learn that, the man had pancreatic cancer. I just wish I hadn't learned of it months after the fact. Though he was a micro-managing boss and a little crazy, I genuinely liked the guy. I would've liked to say goodbye.

More than anything, I would've liked to have gotten over my bitter anger and hurt sooner to reach out to him one last time before his death.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
I was dicking around with a journal I've owned for almost four years now (journals are wasted on me, I almost never write in them). Not really don't anything important, just a bit of free writing and sketching.

I flipped through it a couple of times, re-read the entries I made in England for my Japanese class and took a look at the sketches and notes strewn through out the rest of it. And try as I might I couldn't remember where I had picked up this journal. It was pretty to be sure, but not really to my taste.

I was going to put it up to pull out one of my writing journals when I accidentally flipped it open to the back instead of closing it. On the back panel there was a small note that said, "A Note from Lois: Hi... Remember me? I want you know you are missed!"

Lois, wherever you are and even though you'll probably never read this, yes, I do remember you and I miss you too. Thank you so much for this gift. It certainly brought a smile on my face to see your hidden message.


Oct. 4th, 2009 07:48 pm
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
Crowds + sunlight + being bored all day = cranky Heather who gets a migraine.

Stupid sunlight allergy.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
The Soda Bandwagon. I hopped off a month ago, hadn't had a drop since until Thursday. Now I've had one every single day since. I actually had the equivalent of four today. 9_9

Fail, Heather, fail. UGH. At least I can blame this on PMS. Now I have a hive on my arm to keep me company. That could be from dinner, though. Not too sure about that.


Today, while I was running some errands, I turned my head to look out my open window and I could have sworn I smelled the ocean. I'm sure it was just someone's pollution, but between the cool breeze and the perfect salty sea smell, I was instantly transported to an oceanside in my head.


Feb. 21st, 2009 09:05 pm
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
Why, oh, why does cold medicine make me feel worse?

And why, oh, why do I have crazy fucked up dreams about LotR elves and Norse gods when I take it?


Imma gonna go back ta sleep now.
ikyrian: David Thewlis (*snerk*)
Sooooo...today while doing laundry, I decided to make myself a nice cup of yummy tea. It's not unusual for me to have anywhere between three and six cups of tea a day. Needless to say, I drink lots and lots of the stuff. I even use the same bags over and over again to save on the cost of buying more tea. I would say that I have art of making a decent cup of tea down to an art - or so I thought.

I did my usual - filled the tea kettle, put it on the stove, remembered to turn the burner on, got the cup out, etc. etc. Then I flop down on the couch idly flipping between Juno, What Not to Wear and a dog show, waiting for the water to boil and the dryer to stop so I can continue on with the laundry.

Eventually I hear the piercing shriek of the kettle, so I go over and pour myself a cup, snatch it up and go back to idly flipping the channel. I sit there, blearily watching the TV, occasionally sipping from my cup, and continue to wait for the dryer.

Now, in my defense, it's not unusual for me to reuse bags or to start sipping before the tea has even had the barest chance to steep in the water, so I do on occasion drink some really weak tea. But after about half way through the cup I noticed something...weird. I peered down into the murky depths of my black INTECH mug trying to see what the matter is when I realize.

I forgot to put the teabag in the goddamn cup.

Truly a red letter day for me. Oh well, the hot water helped to warm me up, at least.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (hmmm....)
I hate waiting for news on whether I got a job or not. I really need to start taking in some form income once again just so I can pay the bills. I kind of feel like Linguini from Ratatouille - the scene where he whimpers to Remy, "I really need this job. I've lost so many." Expect replace the rat with a ferret and the river Seine with a river of bills and you have me. Commiserating with a ferret over the fact that I just spend $85 on their food that I can't really afford right now.

I really don't want to have to work at Wal-Mart or similar store again. I hate retail.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
My mom was diagnosed today with Rheumatoid arthritis.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
Today I buried an old friend that I had long since lost touch with. I saw him occasionally at parties and such the like, but me being a loner by trade meant that I didn't rub elbows with him often. That being said, I felt it important to attend, because we used to be friends way back in high school.

My memory is slowly, but surely, deteriorating. Most of my childhood is a blur with only a few really traumatic times remaining. Elementary school? We moved so much I can't even keep them straight. Middle school? Almost completely gone. And now high school is slowly slipping away into the haze.

I don't have very many memories where Griff plays a significant role. I remember we used to share a table at lunch. I can remember his laugh. I remember his smile. I remember him in the play he, Christian and Adam put on - The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged) as their senior production. I can remember graduation. I vaguely remember him in middle school because his mom would come in every year and educate everyone on Hanukkah and Jewish traditions. I can remember him playing basketball. More recently I remember him at Christian's wedding. I remember seeing him at a couple of random parties. I remember him talking with Mike Pennington, whose own funeral I was unable to attend, the year before I went to England. I remember saying, "Hi." I remember seeing him at Christian and Jackie's anniversary/baby shower. So many random moments that would have been seemingly of very little significance in the long run, but will now be the sum total of all of my memories of this person who was taken from us all to soon.

And now, of course, his funeral. It didn't really hit me that I would never see him again until I sat down in the pew at the sanctuary waiting for his service to start. Instead of sitting with my brothers, I saw with another old high school friend, Annie. And while I probably won't remember what the rabbi said or contents of his mom's or Robert's speeches were, I will remember being amazed at how many people were there and thinking, God, if only he knew how many people would come to his funeral, about how many lives he had touched in some way, however small, maybe, and were honored to be there and were honored to know him however briefly, just maybe he would have reached out to one of them, instead of his gun. I don't think I'll ever forget his mother's anguish and fury at her son's death.

I hate the fact that my last real memory of him, the one that I'll remember ten, twenty, thirty years from now, is of me pouring a shovel of dirt onto the lid of his coffin.

Goodbye, Griffin. May we meet again in the next life.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
One should never become an "old hat" at losing friends through suicide.

RIP Griffin. I hope you find whatever it is you were looking for.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
I passed a black cat dying in the road today.

I'm pretty sure it had just been hit by a car. It's tail was flailing wildly and it was meowing, but it wasn't moving it's body or it's feet. I could hear kids screaming, "Don't hit our cat! Don't hit our cat!"

I didn't stop.

I can rationalize all I want about why I didn't stop - could have been deathly ill/had rabies, would need a tetanus shot should it bite me, could bring illness to my pets, etc., etc. - but it wouldn't be close to the truth. The truth is...I don't know why I didn't stop. It didn't even occur to me to stop until after I passed and I watched the vehicle behind me stop.

This is going to haunt me, much like the squirrel from last year.

ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (hmmm....)
One of my favorite things to do on Sunday: Take a shower mid morning and then drowse on my bed naked until the afternoon.

One of my least favorite ways to wake up: On my side, forehead to knees, arms behind me as if in handcuffs.

WTF, self? WTF?
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
My mom and I just stood outside and watched funnel clouds form, deform, and reform.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
First, let me just say how grateful I am for your support, guys. I really do appreciate it.

Anyway, I have good news...and bad news. The good news: he breathing and eating fine on his own and he's much more active. When I was talking to the vet, every time she would say something he would crawl to the back of the cage and when I would say something he would come back. When she wasn't there he immediately crawled over and stuck his head down my shirt. I had a low cut shirt on and he stuck his head right between my boobs and refused to move. In fact, every time I tried to lift him up, he would shove his head down further.

He actually ate some hard food while I was there and someone from Ferret Attitude actually saw him at Pender last night and he was drinking on his own. He stills seems to be in some pain, but it doesn't seem to be as agonizing as it was before.

The bad news: there's some brain damage, how severe it is, we're not sure yet. The twitch that I've been seeing (and attributing to heaving breathing) is a result from the fever he spiked after the surgery. Basically, his ears twitch forward, his eyes blink, and he front paws and one back paw all twitch at the same time. The vet is not sure if he's having mini seizures or what. We're also not sure on the severity of the twitch as as it actually gets worse as the medicine wears off (they've been keeping him heavily sedated).

Another thing they're worried about is if he is peeing on his own or if it's just leaking out as the bladder gets to full. I'm concerned, but considering he actually did pee on me last night a substantial amount without any poking or prodding on my part, I think he should be ok in that area. Also, there is less blood in his urine and the vet took him off the steroids. The ER vet did say that he pooped, and that it didn't look good - very loose and dark, with a red tinge. He's now on amoxicilin and something to help coat his intestines, just in case there are some ulcers to worry about.

I left him at SEAVS instead of taking him to Pender because he looked well enough to be on his own for the night. If he gets really restless before she goes home, the vet did say that she would take him home so that he could be monitored (he tore out his IV twice while I was there, the second time there was a lot of blood involved).
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
Just got back from Pender - Baby's back in overnight care at the recommendation of my regular vet at SEAVS.

This morning was awful. I went to visit before work and he just laid in my lap, breathing hard, occasionally grunting in pain, very limp. Even his whiskers were droopy. The good news was that he was no longer stiff limbed, but the bad news was that they couldn't seem to manage his pain levels. If I moved him too much his back legs would stiffen up and he would grunt, so I'm thinking it's more of a pain reaction then anything else. He didn't seem to recognize me when I was there. I pretty much cried the entire time I was there (I don't deal with trauma stress well. Like, at all. I cry. A lot.) so I didn't talk to him much, but I did hold him and pet him and tried to hum at him a bit. He likes it when I sing.

But eventually I had to leave to go to work. So I placed him back in the cage, said my goodbyes, washed my face and ran out the door. I was running late, so I had to skip breakfast (my plan was to get Starbucks). As I was coming in, I met up with my new boss, Bob, was going in too, so I told him what had happened and he said, "If you need to go do something with your ferret, just go, no worries."

I get a call at 8:30 to come pick him up to be taken back to SEAVS as it would be best for them to give daily care since they know what went wrong. That was a verrrrry long trip. I didn't get back to the office until 10. At that point Baby had perked up a smidge and since I was driving him, I could sing to him. I looked over a couple of times, and sang to him and he would look at me intently with his head up. Once I stopped, he would put his head back down and close his eyes.

And of course I had fucking Our Lady Peace on and I was choking out lyrics like, "You are my life" and "Mother will you think of me in your prayers/This 21st century is a mess/Oh you can try to fix it/But it breaks..." and even "Might not make it home/Can't leave here tonight/Not afraid to live/Not afraid to die/And hey, leave a light on for me." Pretty shitty time for the MP3 player to stop working without any other CDs in the car. Singing about cheerful butterflies riding on sparkling winds would have been waaaaaaay preferable.

So I go about my day not doing a whole hell of a lot because there's NOTHING TO DO but surf the web, thinking everything is fine. Around 2:30 I start getting a funny feeling that something is not quite right in the world. I started feeling slightly suffocated, my left arm went numb, and my heart started to pound (it was the same feeling I got right before I was laid off). I ignored it successfully for about thirty minutes and then I just couldn't take it anymore - I had to call SEAVS. I just knew something was wrong with Bear.

So I call and yup, something is wrong with Bear. He still has all of the same problems he had when I took him back over but now he had blood in his pee and what sounded like fluid in his lungs/chest cavity. And then the vet said the dreaded words no one wants to hear about a loved one: there's a good chance he's going to pass on. There were a whole bunch of qualifiers and caveats to that, but the moment she said that it was all I could think about.

There is one thing I've learned this summer that I don't think I'll ever forget - it's fucking hard to drive while you're crying. This was the second time in two months that I found myself driving home in tears.

So I made it home in record time AND in one piece (a minor miracle considering I was bawling almost the entire time) and got ready to go back out again. Before I left I made sure to play with Vincent who has been vacillating between "'Hi, my name is Cloud Stife' depressed" and "'My teeth, let me show you them' anger". He really, really misses Baby. In the interim Dad came home so I told him what was going on and he offered to drive me to SEAVS so I can visit with Baby and take him to Pender.

So we leave about 5:15ish and get there around 6:00ish and go to see him. He looked much better. He was still have the same problem, but he looked more alert and his whiskers were no longer droopy. I brought an old t-shirt with me from the cage so that he could smell Vincent and hopefully be comforted by that. He still wasn't moving much, but he did respond to my voice and petting. In fact, when I left the room, he tried to crawl over to my dad when he couldn't find me anymore. He also eventually curled up as much as he could into the shirt.

And he peed on me. A lot. Which was actually good, because we could see that the blood in his urine was no longer there. He's still breathing hard and he seems to be in a lot of pain, but we're very cautiously optimistic that he's on the mend. I'm hoping and praying that it's not one of those last moments of feeling as normal as possible before dying as some pets do. So, yeah, very very cautiously optimistic. It's now a waiting game.

What the vet is thinking it was was that he had a delayed allergic reaction to the anesthesia, which caused his body to overheat (over 107 degrees) yesterday which sparked his laundry list of problems. We're still concerned that there might be neurological problems.

Anyway, guys, thanks so much for your support and thoughts. I really appreciate it.

Oh, Baby...

Jul. 9th, 2008 08:29 pm
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
I took Baby in today for adrenal surgery. Dropped him off at 8:30 am and his surgery was scheduled for sometime mid-morning. I get a call around one-ish saying everything went well, he's still groggy, it was a tumor in the left adrenal gland which is good, can do a biopsy for an extra $150, etc. etc. Great, wonderful, I'll give you guys a call around four for an update.

I call. Suddenly it's not all sunshine and baby ferrets anymore. Now it's, oops we overheated him, he's making a gurgling sound when he breathes, we took an extra set of x-rays and they look clear, it's probably nothing but you'll probably want to have him monitored at a 24-hour facility just to be sure, so when can you pick him up?

[Wait, what? You overheated my ferret? Huh?] Um, when do you close?


Aaaaannnnd...do you know how many laws of physics I need to break to get there before five?

[In the background] I can take him over on my way home.

[Grrrr....] Yeah, let's do that.

Okay, Baby's going to Pender. Great, wonderful [except, you know, not]. I call them, give them my info, let them know he's coming, ask them to call me when he gets there, and leave work about 5:15. Get home about an hour later. Still no call.

I get a call at 6:30 saying he's there and settled in and they tell me something my regular vet neglected to tell me - he's forelegs are stiff. Back legs manipulate fine, front legs not so much. He just kinda sits there with his head up and his forelegs out in front of him. He also needs to be on IV fluids for pretty much the rest of the night to make sure he doesn't lose too much and will be in the ICU. And they're talking to me about neurological issues.

Wait, what? What the hell happened to my ferret? I take him in for adrenal surgery and now he has neurological issues? All is not well in the House of Herron.
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
The person I'm replacing encouraged me today to bring stuff to do. Like...books or my PSP or something. I'm beginning to dread this assignment. I hate, I absolutely hate, being bored at work.

...the people are friendly, at least? I guess?

It's only four months, it's only four months, it's only four months...(rinse, repeat, ad nauseum)
ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)
Yay! Jobbed! It's the one I mentioned in my last post - ok hours, good wages, nice people, and (and a really, really) sucky location. Herndon? Motherfuckin' HERNDON!?

So, now I'll be able to afford Baby's surgery instead of having to wait for a couple more months. Double yay! Now, I just need to schedule it. I'll need to take Baby from MP to Vienna, and then go from Vienna to Herndon all of which will most likely take place during rush hour. Normally, no traffic, it takes me 45 minutes to get to Vienna from MP. With traffic it becomes an hour plus. Supposedly it's only 21 minutes from SEAVS to the new job. (I don't doubt that, at say, TWO IN THE MORNING it takes 21 minutes, but rush? Hah! And again I say HAH!)

I do believe I have the market cornered in this particular circle of traffic hell. Or, triangle. Or whatever.


ikyrian: HiNaBN's {...} (Default)

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